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Relationship WIN: Intentional Dating (Part 4)


Intentional Dating (Study Guide by Michael Todd)
- Whatever you relationship goals are, you are not going to reach them by doing the kind of dating most single people do – recreational dating. Recreational dating is the opposite of aiming at a goal; it is like shooting at everything. 
- “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6
- Intentional dating is purposeful. It is driven be a clear goal: to determine whether the person you are dating is right for you to marry. Intentional dating is all about moving toward the covenant of marriage.
- Open your heart to the wrong person and you let her discourage your dream. 
- The modern way of dating – recreational dating with a vague hope that maybe one relationship will finally go somewhere – does not deliver what it promises. 
- Stop sinning. Just stop. Please, I am begging you: stop. Why? Because if you are making decisions in a sinful state, your flesh will always lie to you. So, let that door close. Repent. Turn. And begin again. 
- Dating is transportation to a relational target. This dating thing is not supposed to be the place where we stay. It is supposed to be the place that takes us to marriage. It is supposed to take us to covenant. 
- “Whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31. When you date, you should do it for the glory. 
- Do not be in a hurry to commit your mind, heart, or body to another person. 
- “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your love.” Proverbs 4:23
1. Is the Person I am Dating Bringing Glory to God?
- A dating relationship is not going to bring glory to God unless both people are following God. So, regardless of what the other persons says about her faith, how she lives, how she talks, and what she watches and listens to prove she really loves God? 
2. Is How We are Dating Bringing Glory to God?
- Depending on the who and the how, if you want a God-glorifying relationship dating relationship, you might need to break off a relationship even if the person you are dating is supposed a Christian like you. 
- If she is not mateable, she is not dateable. That simply means, if you would not marry the person, do not go out with her. 
- Find someone who is going the same direction as you: not perfect but making progress in following Jesus. 
- Recreational dating does not deliver what it promises. 
Ninety Days to Erasing the Dating Deficit
 -Take ninety days to know each other without pressure.
- It is just three months, less than the length of a football season. That is not such a long time to spend forming an intentional friendship, which might lead to intentional dating, which might lead to marriage, now is it?
- If you can, go through this process with advisers in the form of a trusted married couple who are wise in the ways of the Lord.
- The first time you meet with them, it is like an on-ramp to a relationship.
- The last time you meet with them, at the end of ninety days, it is like an off-ramp to get out of the relationship easily if it has not worked out. Or else it is like a green light to continue the journey and see where it goes.

1. Discuss Your Relationship Fears
- Write down your three greatest fears of being in relationships and share them with each other.
- By doing this, you each know something about your expectations. You get a chance to be protective of each other’s hearts. And this vulnerability provides accountability later on.
2. Agree on Boundaries
- Boundaries are not bad; they are actually a blessing.
- Set a curfew: Every date needs an ending time.
­- What is a no go for touch: Know the triggers that could take you all the way to sex.
- These boundaries may seem petty, and they are not meant to be legalistic, but they have a way of helping people keep from succumbing to natural temptations. They create a safe place for you to learn about each other. They encourage less touching and more talking.
3. Have Focused Conversations
- Pay attention to patterns, not potential.

- If you do decide to end a relationship, hopefully the breakup will happen without all the painful ripping part that can happen when a dating couple is too tightly bonded. Instead of feeling like you lost, you can feel like you gained – you had some fun, you got to know somebody else, and you picked up some relationship tools that you can use next time around.
- When it comes to your relationships, God will give you the DESIRE and the POWER to do it right. 
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